Garden of Eden

02.21.2870

Dear Diary,

Since the beginning of this life, I've accomplished many and experienced almost all there is for me to see. I have taken the strong role of my father's expectations and how now learned to control a race - my race. We are beloved and beautiful creatures to what the mortals do not notice, for we hide amongst them in our hidden fleshes. It has dawned on me that I am their leader, and I expect myself to do greater in leading them to what is pure justice and freedom. Upon these past few months, my days have been filled with nothing more than joy, and that's all I could ever ask for with the presence of a mere few. My heart is seemingly and constantly being pulled to another, for whenever they are near, it pounds loud against my chest to a point where I've almost convinced myself it would burst.

I fear my future will become tarnished between the two, if not more if karma is out to get me. But, if all goes well, these innocent, lost shifters will soon have someone to lead them other than myself soon enough. They need a leader asides from me, for I am not able to do it alone, and nor at they. These people are my family; they are all I have left to love and earn trusts with as we are together in this world now. I see my parents and brother in all of them, smiling at me by how much I've improved and made myself out of to be their Regina. They appear happy as they look at me with recognition and respect, knowing that I will do greater. As long as my species does not break, we will remain indestructible against anything that will come between us. We will not break, for defeat is never an option.

03.14.2870

Dear Diary,

I'm loosing my mind.

My heart is glowing in yet I don't know who for the most at this point. I've never felt more confused with myself than I am now, and with that, my life is pealing away like flowers would when they'd wither before winter came. I wish I was a flower... To be able to be so appealing and then fade away for a moment of time to just be unveiled mysteriously beneath the sunshine as a whole another type of beauty before the world to see. I would not be anything special, perhaps maybe a daisy, or a tulip, but nothing as great as a rose would. As a flower, I'd bask underneath the sun all day long and never have to worry about anything going on around me other than the mere danger of my petals flying away from my reach.

Love had never been easy for myself. It never came as easily as it did for others and sometimes I fear the worst to come from me if I keep stringing either of them along. What would happen? I have to put an end to this, I can only have one person I care for... right? I tell you this today, dear diary, that I am in need of someone to be here for me, to help me with my shifters and care for me as greatly as I would for them. That is all I ever ask.

So far, I've made a few great impressions on two individuals most highly. There has been an agreement to be an alliance between races, as in my time of absence and writing, my attention was captured within the hands of the original beast himself. But there's something about him that makes me feel fuzzy. Not as strong as I had when peering into the eyes of another, but it was there, faintly, yet blossoming gradually, I believe. I feel it, deep down, and many times I deny myself of it ever being real and that it is only a figure of my cruel imagination coming back to haunt me. However, the other's name - it rings so sweet in my ears and practically sense me melting internally, causing my body to automatically fill with the desire to run to him.

We made love the other night, and I don't think it will be the last. The memory of myself waking up in his strong, naked arms still sends a smile to my face when I think of it. And his eyes. They're just as hypnotizing as I remember. When I look into them, my body tightens and I can no longer function properly around others. There is still regret burning on my shoulders though, as when I look into his eyes, I see myself, along with the same green hues I see about the Alpha male of the werewolves. You, my diary, are the only bit of information and secrets I hold and know. I feel ashamed when writing it down, but it is true. When I see him, I see the other, and I'm constantly trapped in place between two destinations - two fates.

Two very different futures.

What have I gotten myself into? Every day, I think of them in entirely different ways and judge them by the pros and cons of what could be better for myself. With Lucian, I am able to learn so much and see what it was like before my race was even in the books or specifically created. He treats me like I am who I am, that age is but of only a number and that does not part us away from being strong leaders. He makes me feel important, and sometimes beautiful for what I truly am beneath this human skin. But with Diallo, a whole new feeling comes to mind. He is gentle, and completely foreign to what he supposed to be doing. I feel more in control, but all the while equal with him, even for his rank. He is that one special person that can make me smile in every situation, I believe. I could laugh and joke around him for hours if I were allowed so much time with leading a race. Luckily, I have a trusty worthy Epror and Auxiliary to handle those jobs while I'm still finding myself.

I've decided I need to call it quits with Lucian. For now, my main focus will be on the agreement we had of becoming allies and that'd be it. Our races were not initially bred to be together, so we understand that we should only stick to our own species and remain whom we are and what our roles in life are - leaders. I hope to spend more time with Diallo now, and leave Lucian to do what he does best of leading his race to the justice against the humans and vampires.

What could go wrong?





Eden X Diallo's Threads:

- New World

- To Serenade With Song

- The Second Star to the Right [Mature]


Eden X Lucian's Threads:

- Lady of the Night

- Now You See Me

- The Lion & The Lamb

05.22.2870

Dear Diary,

Now that I've made my decision, I've never been more happy in this world us creatures play a role on. The things I was given as a child weren't the best compared to most, but I am thankful to this day all of what I've been granted with, to that of life, work, and yes... love. Since I was younger, I have always wanted to learn what it was like to love and to share that passionate bond with another like myself, and now I can truly say what it feels like to have that chemistry. I wish the Alpha of werewolves the best of luck in finding what he might of wanted from me, as well as to what life has in store for him, but this tiger that I had met at my very borders, is my life, and forever. Diallo - of dark orange beautiful fur with bold black stripes, eyes as green as the rain forest leaves, a smile worth a million Denari, and a heart more loving than any other. It's a great privilege to me to be able to spend the rest of my life with him, and sometimes I wish it were easier for me to say that aloud to him. But writing things down like this has been my escape, a place where everything I feel can be thoroughly expressed without tearing me apart.

So far since initiating our mating ceremony in quiet, Diallo has now been claimed as Rex of my shifters, and has been doing a successful job with working along my side. But, once after confessing and sharing our love with one another, I had awoken a few days later with a bit of a weak stomach. I had blamed it on something I had eaten the night before, until I realized what season it was. It was not hard to explain, as we found it to be expected in the end. We weren't playing safely, and animals, were animals, as the humans would say. In my days of pregnancy, Diallo and I were quite happy and I never had to ask for him to help me, for he was already ahead. I depended everything on him within those times until we found our the cub's gender; which was a beautiful girl. When our cub was finally welcomed into our world, we named her Shailene, meaning 'gift' in Hebrew according to some baby name books I had dug around in for at the nearest library. What was most strange about our cub was that she didn't look like either of us in color, but instead had the rare golden pelt which was made up of mostly recessive genes. Still, we loved her all the same, and welcomed that uniqueness as apart of being our little loving family.

Our daughter grew very strong and healthy, and learned most of her training through Diallo while I was still in recovery and dealing with our shifters on the side. Thankfully, one of my latest additions to the group, Bellator Kenai, has made a warm spot in being one of Shailene's most favorite people among them all. The two share a nice bond, and I'm happy to see how well she is progressing as time grows on, she's growing into a beautiful young tigress, I believe. When she was five and finally learned to shift, we noticed how similar she was to us in human form. Her hair is as long as mine, but of a soft golden color. She has his eyes, which I adore most about her other than her personality, along with my smile, Diallo says. Unfortunately, now that she has become of age, it is time that we allow her to be dismissed from the den. It made me sad to see how quickly our baby girl had grown up and finally leave our side, but Diallo was there to comfort me, and relieve me as to how much she has matured and can be able to take care of herself now. Even as a mother, I worry every day of our Little Shai being by herself. It scares me still as to what the world may hold with as many dangers I've seen and experienced as well as on my own.






08.23.2875

Dear Diary,

Where do I begin?

I have come into little contact since Lucian and I's last gathering, and even then, he managed to still weave a way into my heart, no matter how strong it glowed for the one I've chosen - Diallo; the tiger whom won me and was placed as the male leader amongst my shifters. Since my last report things have worsened. No longer am I in the warm arms of a loving man, and live once more in an empty - cold cave by myself. I wake up in tears now, crying for those that I had come to love and blame myself for every one of their deaths still to this day. His eyes are not there to wish me a good morning, and our sweet baby girl has been missing for weeks. I only fear the worst in what we've been blessed with has died too, but I can't help but to hope that it's just a never ending nightmare where I am the main character within it's cruel story.

While working in my office, I had asked my mate if he would help organize some of the books with me and asort some papers regarding the island I own privately in the Neutrals for all races to socialize among - Astridax. He had accepted in assisting with me, so I instantly got to work on my computer, only to find an email in my inbox with a warning message. It was from the island caretaker I had hired when buying the island to keep a look out on things, and inside the message, was many sentences having to do with an apology for a death of a loved one. I could only cover my mouth and shake my head as I sat there, weeping silently to myself as I told myself it was just a joke. My beloved read the message next before taking me carefully into his arms, just so I could cry some more in his shoulder. Shailene had been killed apparently by one of the tigers found on the island's jungle, and not much of her body remained, but it was said to have traces of 'rape' done to her. I cried for hours on end as he held me there, and I swear I could hear him do the same as he buried his face into my long hair in the middle of my shop. We made sure to go to Astridax not long after and have all the tigers taken care of, but there was still the chance of some not being found. It had been my idea to keep them on the land, for it was there home, and I had no right of tearing that away from them until now. They had killed my daughter, but I will not kill them in return, just put them somewhere else. I couldn't bare to have a gathering about it with the other shifters, so my mate and I planned a quiet funeral to have among him and I. We buried the rest of her body a few trees away from our cave, but the feeling of her not being there was still wavering in our minds. I woke up with nightmares every night after that, and time got worse the longer I lived in those days.

When things were just beginning to quiet down, my mate had allowed me to take some time off from leading our race, and him too. We made sure that duties were filled and whatnot before keeping a day to ourselves. I sat back and slept in for once in so many years. I was so tired of mourning over Shailene, that I had forgotten what it was like to sleep for many hours at a time. The only thing I remember before falling asleep was my beloved getting ready to head out. He said something about letting off some steam before kissing my head and pouncing outside. As hours of sweet dreams filled my mind, I squirmed in my sleep and finally woke up at the nearing of loud footsteps. Kenai had come to my den one evening with a gloomy expression on his face. I had thought of it to be because he was still uneasy with my daughter's death, but I welcomed him inside by guiding him to sit. He refused, and took my sternly with his silver eyes. And in that moment, I knew sometime terrible had happened while I was dreaming. Diallo was murdered by a human. It was said to be a task of some sort given by the mortal's leader perhaps. I couldn't make much sense as to why someone would do this to him, or myself. Tears streamed down my face quicker than they had with my daughter, which was unfortunate for me to remember, but it was true. I couldn't barely breathe after hearing those words pool from my Bellator's mouth.

Now, I return to weeks of mourning. Where I blame myself for every event, every dying second left of my life, crying over so many things that have crumbled. I'm on the verge of neglect now that I had no arms to hold me close and calm me down - no shining smile or welcoming kiss to warm me up when I come home. None of that anymore.

Because love is a lie, and I do not deserve to feel it.

For future preparations, I hope to contact Lucian as quickly as I can after putting this diary down. I will avenge my lover's death no matter what it takes, even if I die in the process. These humans will be slaughtered form my very teeth and claws until their entire race has vanished from Lunari. It has been long since I've talked to the werewolf, but I hope his feelings are still positive towards my presence even with how much has happened between us leaders. Hopefully, our plan for alliance will grow among the shifters and werewolves till we are strong enough to kill the humans, or bring war in general upon other races that could be a threat to our packs. Good thing I didn't delete his contact in my phone.

12.24.2870

Dear Diary,

I've missed you, ever so dearly. But I've returned safe and sound as promised.

I still dream of them - my family whom now lay beneath the dirt I walk on, and they wake me from my slumber with my heart racing and my lungs unable to breath properly. Once in a while I find myself wondering as to why they still occurred to me during the darkest, most private hours, but I've convinced myself to be the mistakes I've made as a person to them. I failed to protect them, and the demons whom followed their deaths are haunting me as my consequence. The little cub I once knew looked to me with awe, but in my nightmares, her face is altered with fear and agony, as if I had put her in the most pain one could not ever endure. And then there was Diallo, his loving eyes still burned into my mind, filling that emptiness with nothing more than undeniable guilt. I will never be able to forgive myself for not watching them, keeping them closer and out of harm's way. If I had of been there, I would've stopped whom ever would've tried to hurt them, and died saving them if it came to that. At least then I'd be able to live with my parents in the clouds, and the rest of my family, whom were still too young to die, and still had plenty to live for, could have the life they were granted to live. I do not deserve the stripes I wear today, and wish for them to be washed clean from my pristine white fur. A tiger must earn the stripes in order to wear them, and my nightmares have clarified that I do, in fact, do not have that power anymore.

As hoped, Lucian and I came together in agreement, and have had a few, relatively close, encounters since then. We had met by coincidence in a dog park, but even that didn't persuade me to think it was just fate that made him come running my way. I had tried to wedge my intentions slowly enough so that he was not startled, nor offended by my choice of words and plans. In return for his protection, I had agreed to spend time with him, for building a stronger bond, of course. Well... somewhat. I had agreed with it mostly because I still felt that closeness with the Alpha as I did before choosing the beloved tiger, and that pushed me to automatically seal the deal between us. So far, we've only had the meeting in the dog park, as well as a romantic - I mean, professional, picnic dinner on the beach. I was lucky enough to fetch you, Diary, before running to the airport this morning. I had arranged plans for Lucian and I to meet at my island, Astridax, in hopes of bringing a bit of holiday cheer to our 'bond'. Let's just say I have a bit of hope that feelings between us could ignite a bit, and I could learn far more than what I expected. Upon our date, I mean, encounter at the picnic, I had revealed to him that I had dreams of him. There's a lot which I'm not telling you, as you can tell.

We shared enough to let me knew that he still had some feelings for me, even after me abandoning him for the last five years. I owe him a lot, I believe, and if granting him my presence seems to make him pleased, then that is what I will do. I am also doing this for my clan, since Diallo's death, I began to feel desperate and unprotected, and that the only way to feel secured was that I gained alliances before even more danger came our way. Lucian and I had ties in advance, it only seemed right of me to dig up the past a bit and join him. But within our... 'encounters', I've realized that I have not only dug up the dark past, but have gained the feelings which came from it as well towards the werewolf. Lately, I've been trying to earn opinions from my pack to see what they think if we are to join forces, and if love was possible between different races... as it is love that I feel for Lucian, and am afraid it'll lead to more as it did with Diallo's life. Now I sit in my bedroom within the Astridax mansion, writing away my thoughts within you, my dear Diary, while the werewolf is in the other room help washing up. As to where this'll lead is not on my mind, but the safety of my shifters are.